How Important Are Engagement Rings?

Photo by Kadarius Seegars on Unsplash

Of course, I realize that The Bachelorette/Bachelor couples have typically known each other for eight weeks but if a four-carat diamond ring made couples happy, well, The Bachelor franchise would have a better marriage success rate. No shade, I’m just sayin’.

But I do feel like engagement rings are the epicenter of relationships. As women, that’s end game. If we got the ring, we locked the man down and you’re choosing each other. I think Beyonce said it best. “If you like it then you should have put a ring on it”. And while I believe that statement wholeheartedly, a ring should really be there for one reason and one reason only. To signify to the world that you are in a committed partnership.

1 Peter 3:4 puts it plainly.

“But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.”

Now, one might say that the size of the diamond is the imperishable beauty and signifies how much the man values his future spouse. He spends 3 paychecks worth of dough or something like that, and that means he loves and appreciates the woman.

I think Beyonce did get it right. If he likes it, he should put a ring on it but I don’t feel like that ring should break the bank, put you in debt or have you take out a second mortgage, any type of loan, or take precedence over actual bills. This may sound crazy but I’ve seen it happen.

On the other hand…

Sometimes couples can actually afford to splurge on an extravagant ring, or in the case of the Bachelorette, receive a ginormous ring for free. In this instance, I feel like the ring is used as a pawn. Some people just go on the show to advance their careers and get a big, fat rock. What they don’t know is that when you wake up one morning and realize you‘ve only known your fiance for 8 weeks and you ultimately don’t make it down the aisle, Neil Lane will be knocking at your door to get that ring back lol.

But seriously, they don’t get to keep the ring if they don’t get married.

And I’m all about a quick engagement. Trevor and I knew each other for 4 months when we started looking at rings. I get it. When you know, you know. But I don’t think the circumstances The Bachelor presents, equips contestants with a clear enough picture of the person they are committing themselves to.

This television production presents pure bliss for 8 weeks. You never experience any hardships or see what the person is like under pressure. It’s not the real world. Then again, it has worked for a handful of people but out of the 48 combined seasons of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, you’ve got 5 couples that are actually married and 2 or 3 that are still engaged. This doesn’t count the love found on Bachelor in Paradise but you get what I’m saying. That’s a 10 percent success rate. And I hate to be the one to tell you, that ain’t good folks.

Moral of the story

If ring size was all that mattered, The Bachelor couples would actually be making it down the aisle more often. But they’re not because staring a 4-carat diamond doesn’t help you much when you’re in the midst of an argument with your spouse.

Anyways, my point is that shows like The Bachelor can trivialize marriage. It’s like, “if this relationship works out, then that’s great! If it doesn’t, “we’ll go on to the next dating show and try again.” Marriage should be taken seriously as it is a commitment between the couple and God.

On the other hand, sometimes couples don’t put large investments into this aspect of the relationship at all. It’s all over the spectrum really and people do what makes them feel the best.

If we go back to 1 Peter 3:4 our adornment (ring) should be, “the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.”

I love the Bible because even though it was written thousands of years ago, it has the answer to any problem we might be facing today. This verse tell us that we should wear a ring that reflects the heart of our spouse and that, in itself, is pleasing to God. I think as a society we have really changed the meaning of what beauty is concerning engagement rings.

The verse says our adornment should be reflective of a gentle and quiet spirit. To me, that means we shouldn’t be flaunting our ring to others. It should be something that we are presenting to our spouse as a true testament of love for the other. And if money is what we value then the amount you spend on the ring will be a key factor for you but if you value God and what is pleasing Him, you’ll be able to truly present something that is beautiful in His eyes.

I’m not saying that having a huge ring is against what God wants for us. I think the reasoning behind that large rock, is important. Some people use their rings as status symbols and that is not pleasing to God. We just have to be careful that we are not mixing worldly desires with God’s will when it comes to the ring we are rocking.

Divorce can happen to the lady that has a huge rock or a lady with Ring Pop. But the reverse is also true. Women can have massive rocks or a plain gold band and last until the end of time as well. It really depends on the people and their commitment level to the relationship.

I don’t know if it’s just me…

When I see older couples, I mean like 80+, they always have the sweetest gold bands. Nothing extravagant. It just helps to put it in perspective. Marriage is not all about the engagement ring. It’s the love between the two people and their decision to choose each other over and over, every single day.

When I see those couples, I’m not asking to see the woman’s ring. I’m asking insightful questions like, “what’s the secret?” lol. I think it’s because there is some type of respect in place and I just want to know any tips I can get. None of those tips relate to the ring.

We can all agree that Beyonce got it right. Most women want the ring. But why are we so obsessed with what the ring looks like? Why is it that when girls get engaged, we immediately ask to see the ring? Why is it that we (or maybe it’s just me) constantly compare our ring to others, even if it’s unintentional.

I’ll be at the nail shop and look over at the lady next to me getting her manicure, with what looks like a big diamond. And it’s almost like a status symbol. I’ll feel like she’s cooler than me because her ring is bigger than mine. It’s irrational and baseless because I know I’m awesome and I absolutely love my engagement ring, my relationship and the story it holds. But it was a source of random insecurity, especially when I first got engaged. Probably because I was 21 and very concerned with what others thought about me at the time. What I didn’t know was that people were looking at my ring in the same way I viewed that lady’s engagement ring from the nail shop.

That really puts it into perspective because beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But the only beholder’s opinion that truly matters, is God’s.

I know I just said a lot but what do you guys think about this? How important is the size of an engagement ring? Do you guys every get ring envy?