Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash

In a world where everyone is an influencer, is it okay for your significant other to have input in what you post?

Remember that 10-year challenge that went viral on Instagram. Everyone posted a photo from 2009 next to a photo from 2019. Generally, the 2019 photos showed an “improvement” in looks. I mean most of the people posting were in middle/high school in the older photos so an apparent “glow up” occurred. Thankfully missing from those 2019 photos were those abhorrent Instagram sepia-like filters with that really dark border. Yeah, glad that’s not a thing anymore.

But let’s be honest, most of us were much happier back then. Social media was literally us having fun all the time. The photos were low quality but we were out there living our best lives and posting was but a click of a button. Now, we actually have photoshoots, edit photos and plan content way in advance. ALL FOR INSTAGRAM. I’m saying posting takes time.

So, when you really think about it, social media, in general, was a simpler time back in 2009. No one was concerned with presenting themselves in a particular way — or working on their “personal brand”. I mean they were but it was all offline. Companies weren’t scoping out potential job candidates out on Facebook before they hired. There was essentially a blank slate when you met someone and now, well, you can pretty much learn someone’s social security number with the click of a button. Where we used to post the first photo we took, now, we legit have photoshoots specifically for social media. It’s become a “take a million photos and post the best one” type of game — a highlight reel of sorts — and if we aren’t careful, it can take over our lives. We can end up neglecting our family, friends and loved ones just to spend more time scrolling on the gram, FB or even Twitter (do you guys still tweet like that?)

And I know we’re almost in 2020 and we’re in a new wave of feminism. We don’t need anyone telling us what to do.

BUT

Just hear me out. I’m going to tell you when I do believe a significant other should have input in what you post.

Frequency

If the amount of time you’re spending on a social platform is getting in the way of your relationship, well then it’s worth taking a SO’s opinion into consideration. Whether you’re way too focused on content creation, perusing the app 24/7, or a combination of both, your SO should never feel they are being neglected. If they do, you might have a problem. (I know I do, currently working on it.)

Actual Content

We’ve definitely evolved as an Instagram Society. Where we used to post red-eyed photos from parties and blurry pics of our pets, there’s now an unspoken quality standard. “You are what you post.” Is that a thing? IDK but it should be. The more quality content you put out there, the more followers you acquire. And with more followers, comes opportunities to collaborate with brands.

It takes time to build quality content. To capture the images, write thoughtful captions and figure out when you should post. We can all agree, it’s a lot of work for what seems like so little payout.

Let Me Tell You a Story

When I first started creating content, I knew who I was and what vibe I wanted to put into the world. My page feeds into my brand as a blogger. It’s “wholesome” for the most part. I wasn’t posting underwear pics, nothing wrong if you do but I wasn’t personally comfortable doing this. It just wasn’t on-brand and didn’t enhance what I was doing…like at all.

Then, I got an opportunity. A pretty large undergarments company wanted to send me products in exchange I post myself wearing the product. I started to adjust my personal standards at the thought of this opportunity. At this point, I told my husband about the company and what they wanted. He was uncomfortable with it but I continued to capture content for the said brand. He had to pull me back down to reality and remind me why I started this whole blog and not to lower my standards for a brand deal. Anyway, I ended up not going through with the post. But in the midst of excitement, I found myself needing someone to remind me what That Kurly Girl is all about. Because it was so easy for me to get caught up in the fact that a brand thought I was worthy.

They weren’t paying me by the way so really not sure why this was even a struggle for me lol.

So, in this case, YES, I’m so glad my husband was there to help ground me. I needed it.

Even if you aren’t an influencer the amount of time we spend on social media can warp our sense of reality. When you see the highlight reels of every couple you follow, this can affect the expectations we have on our relationships. No one posts relationship struggles, so we’re being force-fed perfection with every scroll. For our mental health, it’s important to stay in tune with our partner to make sure we aren’t neglecting them.

Significant others are the people who know us the best. And I don’t know about you but my hubby knows me and my brand almost better than I do lol. I trust his analysis of my actions and if he thinks I’m wildin on IG, we have a conversation and no matter how hard it is, I do an internal check. Because as much as I don’t want to admit he’s right, most of the time when I’m spending more time on social, I discover it’s because I’m running from my real-life issues. It’s a personal problem and I’m working on it lol.

You might be thinking but we’re just dating You might feel like the situation is different if there’s no ring on your finger (i.e. not married yet) but it all depends on how you view your relationship. If you plan to marry the person you’re with, wouldn’t it be best to have these types of healthy conversations before you walk down the aisle?

And I’m not talking about micromanaging. Look, I’m not saying we should micromanage our significant other’s social media usage. No, not at all. We should be with someone who knows US and knows when something is up. That’s all I’m saying. Healthy social media usage = healthy relationships.

So in conclusion, social media should not have a negative impact on your partnership. If you’re spending too much time on a platform, I think it’s okay for a SO to let you know, especially if they are feeling neglected. A reality check every now and then can do us some good. If the content we’re posting is making our SO uncomfortable, a conversation may be necessary because our real lives are much more important than our Insta lives. Just sayin’.