Photo by Candice Picard on Unsplash

Cleanup on aisle 1. We’ve got a Man down! But seriously, can somebody please fire Hannah Bown’s makeup team because somebody had this woman ill-equipped on national TV. Like, come on, man. She’s going to see the guy that got away and you give her regular mascara so she literally resembles a raccoon when the tears inevitably start flowing. That seems like a set up to me but I digress.

Hannah arrived in one of Peter Weber’s limos last night on the premiere the 24th season of this shitshow that I can’t stop watching. All was good with the world when she stepped out of the limo but she couldn’t hold back the tears when she made her second appearance on the episode to explain the rules for the “sex talk” group date. With mascara running down her face, she and Peter tried to figure out on live television if there was a way for their relationship to work. *Hint: there is no way because he’s The Bachelor.

Anyways, in a shocking turn of events, The Bachelor actually did not disappoint with all those “Hannah B. will be in first episode” teasers. Her appearance was everything she prides herself on being – true and authentic. From what we could see Peter and Hannah were picking up right where they left off when she sent him home. Here’s all the tea in case you missed it:

Peter Still Loves Hannah

Peter mentioned in his package earlier in the episode that he had only been in love once. I assumed he would talk about a relationship years ago that didn’t work out. NOPE! Homeboy proceeded to go into full detail about his relationship with Hannah that at the time of filming had literally just ended less than 2 months ago. So, it’s almost like he walked right out of that windmill and then straight back into the mansion to be the Bachelor. He said he was over it. But excuse me, if you’re in love (which I believe he was with Hannah) you don’t get over that in a few weeks and then compete as the lead on the Bachelor. I’m sorry but the heart just doesn’t work like that.

These Two Had Zero Closure

Turns out Peter was watching that whole thing where Hannah asked Tyler c on a date back on AFR at home just like the rest of us. He was hurt by it and wondered why Hannah didn’t reach out to him. Hannah explained how Tyler was reaching out to her and she didn’t hear anything from Peter so she assumed he was trying to be the bachelor (which is not a bad guess if you ask me).

Hannah expressed her intentions

She said she always knew it would be Jedd and Peter at the end and that she wanted him to meet her family. The sheer shock in Peter’s voice when he heard that was so sincere. He said, “you never told me that.” The poor man never got any closure and it was clear he needed to hear that.

A Huge Dig at Jedd

We’ll keep this section short just like their relationship. So, basically Hannah said she picked Jedd because he was comfortable a choice and she was falling into the same pattern. If those patterns are falling for lying, manipulative losers – well then – yep I’d say she hit the nail in the head.

Peter Asked Hannah to Join His Cast

Come on, Pete. At this point, Hannah was probably committed to Dancing with the Stars and there was no way she was giving that up to be in a mansion with a bunch of strange women. Like no. This is the former bachelorette you guys. She would never go back to the bottom.

It might be the end for these two but we’ll get a conclusion to the Peter/Hannah saga next week when we’ll finally get to see the most teased moment from the teaser when Peter mutters “Hannah Brown” oh so sweetly as he pushes his hair back and leans into her.

Gosh, his hair looks so sexy pushed back, right?