Photo by Danielle Dolson on Unsplash
I’ve always wanted to be a mom. In fact, the way my life was going, I thought by 26 I’d have a husband and a house of little munchkins by now. You see, I got married at 23. Bought a house at 25. The next logical step felt like kids. We both wanted them. It was a dream for both of us. But after 3 years of trying, the possibility of a future without biological kids is starting to slowly rear its head. It’s feeling more like first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes IVF is more of a reality for me.
It’s an ugly little thing. You feel like something is wrong with you because no one talks about fertility issues when you’re young. IVF and surrogacy seemed like things for “other” women. I was going to carry all of my children by 35. Be a young soccer mom. Those were my plans. But as I can see, God has something else set up for my life.
People have gotten married and had kids since I’ve been married. God what is wrong with me?
My friends have unintentionally had children. God, what do you have planned for my life? I don’t understand.
Every family function brings questions of when we’ll have a child. Our response of, “we’re young” or “we’re just practicing” is getting a little old. And frankly, I’m tired of pretending like we aren’t struggling. But I don’t need anyone’s pity because I know my life has been perfectly orchestrated by Jesus Christ. Whatever our story holds is perfect in His eyes and I hope we can be a testimony to someone else someday on how God supplied our every need, whether or not, we have a biological child.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve seen celebrities openly talking about fertility struggles. Tyra Banks had a surrogate and now has a beautiful baby boy. Gabrielle Union has spoken about her multiple miscarriages and how surrogacy was her only option. Kim Kardashian had a surrogate for her last two pregnancies with Chicago and Psalm. Chrissy Teigen had her two kids, Miles and Luna with IVF and most recently, chronicled her miscarriage. And although it was the saddest thing I’ve seen in a while, hearing Chrissy talk about her struggle has brought me so much strength. Strength to know I’m not alone in this fight of fertility. And neither are you.
Maybe you haven’t gotten to this stage in life where you’re looking to have children. but regardless, I pray your journey is paved in baby dust and your experience is one of gratitude for all the things new life brings. We are women. We are strong. Nothing is wrong with you. Let’s get through this together.
