Photo by Esther Ann on Unsplash
I swear I created an office space so I could be more productive. But here I am sitting at my desk with a bag of Skinny Pop in my lap where about 90 percent of the popcorn is actually making it into my mouth. The other 10 percent is finding a nice little spot on the ground. Meanwhile, it’s so hard to type when I’ve got popcorn salt and oil all over my fingers. But you know, priorities.
2020 has been one hell of a year, amiright?! And as the year comes to a close, it has been super helpful to take some time to reflect on myself and how I’ve grown over the last year. Prior to 2020, I probably thought little growth could occur in isolation (though someone that’s done time in solitary might disagree, idk) but here I am on December 30 really taking accountability for my shortcomings. Yay for that development.
*Pause for applause
You see, the thing is that I have always had big dreams for myself professionally. I never felt right working in a traditional environment. But what’s an entrepreneur without any follow-through. Yeah, not a good combo. Over the years, I’ve experimented with starting businesses but it just never worked. I never found my footing until Making Fetch. This is what I want to do with the rest of my life and yet, I still find myself procrastinating and falling into the same traps as before. Granted, I have put much more work into this business than others but I can feel myself, at times, wanting to give up. WTH is wrong with me?
I’ve narrowed it down to a couple of things:
Trying to be something I’m not
The thing is that I always wanted any brand I create to be authentic to myself. That way I’m not having to fake anything. Everything will just come naturally. So far, Making Fetch has been just that. The growth when it comes to writing, branding, social media have all been very natural and honestly super fun. I’ve enjoyed every bit of it. I get a case of imposter syndrome every now and then. That’s when I let doubt creep in and I start doing things to my brand that makes zero sense because I’m trying to be like someone else. It’s hard when I see others thriving and I feel like no one can see me. This leads me to my next point.
I feel like no one is watching
It’s really difficult to put yourself out there artistically and feel like no one even cares. One thing I’ve developed this year when I’m feeling these types of emotions is remembering why I’m doing this in the first place. Is it for praise, accolades, and the hopes of one day having lunch with Reese Witherspoon as we casually discuss the lives of our husbands over a glass of Chardonnay? Of course, that would be nice but at the end of the day, this is a creative outlet and I write for fun. I hope and pray that people enjoy my ramblings but if not, that’s okay because this is the most fun I’ve had in my entire life.
Imposter Syndrome
I knew I had imposter Syndrome when I looked up the definition and it said people with it have:
- “Extreme lack of self-confidence.Feelings of inadequacy.
- Constant comparison to other people.
- Anxiety.
- Self-doubt.
- Distrust in one’s own intuition and capabilities.
- Negative self-talk.
- Dwelling on the past.”
And if that doesn’t sound like me, idk what does. The thing is that now that I’ve identified this issue, I can do the work to correct it. Anytime these thoughts come up, I allow myself to feel it for like an hour. I cry and talk it out with friends. But after that hour, it’s back to business.
So why do I have zero follow through? 2020 has taught me so much about myself and how I lack confidence in my own abilities. I put so much value in what other people think, that I end up quitting altogether. I’m a work in progress for sure but one thing is certain. I will never abandon Making Fetch. I look forward to evolving even more in 2021. See ya there!
