Photo by Kutay Burunsuz on Unsplash

The Bachelorette is officially back and with that a glorious night of men in suits (or cat costumes) and drama! Hooray! Let’s get right into it!

If you’re behind on Bach-related news, you might have zero idea who the new Bachelorette even is. Her name is Katie Thurston and she’s the girl from Matt James’s season that brought a dildo as her ice breaker on night one. That’s all you really need to know.

The episode begins with Katie doing the typical Bach thing (walking in nature by her lonesome dreaming about her future and what is to come) in which she explains how she just can’t wait to be married (!!) and start a future with her new hubs… whoever he may be.

As Katie awkwardly posed next to a barn  Katie’s a cute girl but slightly reminiscent of my Kindergarten teacher. And that’s absolutely no shade AT ALL. But like, she’s just so cute and wholesome looking. The definition of The Girl Next Door…+ a dildo.

Anyway, Katie is finally getting redemption after ABC screwed her last season by placing her in a house with psychos and setting her up on the most friend-zone date of all dates.

I’m happy for her… but also ready to get into the good stuff – the MEN!

It’s officially the night of arrivals and we are introduced to the new hosts! Tayshia and Kaitlyn are ready for action! Not gonna lie, I definitely was missing Chris Harrison’s classic intro. But I also just came back from the Civil Rights Museum in Memphis where MLK was shot and definitely appreciate the seriousness that was taken in regards to his actions. (But also, he got cashed out of Bach nation with reportedly $25 mill so who really won?)

Anyway, hosts Tayshia and Kaitlyn scream and giggle about how they’re so excited to be with Katie and how girls rule and boys drool. Then they surprise Katie and she almost cries because she thought she was gonna be taking this journey by herself (ABC, how rude). I will say Chris definitely brought a certain balance to the show, while this now feels more like two girls setting their best friend up with a bunch of blind dates. Still a vibe, just different.

NOW, we finally get to the good part, honey – the MEN.

The night starts with a looker (if I do say so myself) and I’m already excited to see what he brings to the table. He’s tall and handsome and says some cheesy stuff about how he’s so excited to finally meet her. Aw, how cute. But where are the theatrics?

Oh honey, I asked and they delivered. The rest of the night fell into character and chaos with a few highlights definitely worth mentioning —

The Cat Guy – some 8th-grade teacher showed up in a cat costume and I was very intrigued. Then Katie shared her love for cats and it all made sense. What I wasn’t expecting (and couldn’t look away from) was to watch two furries snuggle and kiss each other while smearing black paint on each other’s faces. Disturbing? A little. But to each its own.

The Box Guy – Some guy thought it would be a great idea to hide in a box until 10 minutes before the rose ceremony. Genius? Who knows. All I know is that watching the boys’ incredulous face when box guy finally showed himself is a replay that I need in my life. The audacity that the guy hiding in the box all night could actually be hot? The men were shaking.

The Watch Guy – so adorable! He came to her and gave her a watch that was supposedly a huge family heirloom and then told her he actually got it from the airport. It was cute and made both of us laugh (as in me and Katie) and I immediately liked him.

Some guy tried to fake a British accent and it was pretty horrible but made Katie laugh so I guess points to him.

Another guy came with a truck full of balls from Chuck-E-Cheese. Pretty cute, and Katie loved sitting in it later.

RV Guy – um, mom, can you come get me? I’m scared? This guy came in an RV that looked straight out of a bad cop movie. The worst part is that he invited Katie inside of it – definitely weird vibes and she was not feeling it. Thank God.

?? and ?? – A random fight broke out between two people that I can barely remember names of was the most confusing and hilarious thing of the entire night. I actually thought I blacked out for a second, but to my greatest pleasure – ABC really was just that desperate for some juicy drama.

https://twitter.com/BrettSVergara/status/1402074179965489158?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1402074179965489158%7Ctwgr%5E%7Ctwcon%5Es1_c10&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.refinery29.com%2Fen-us%2F2021%2F06%2F10513163%2Fthe-bachelorette-cody-aaron-fight-reactions

Greg – Everybody’s angel has stolen the hearts of America. Personally, I don’t trust him as I think he has a hidden evil agenda, but apparently, Katie does as he won the FIRST IMPRESSION ROSE. Wowza!

Overall, the episode was cute and fun and I’m excited for Katie’s season. Especially after watching the foreshadow of the boys crying and screaming at each other. That’s drama that I need in my life.

Ta-ta for now,

Your Bach Bestie