Less than. Unable. Not a real woman it seems. It’s like everyone has one. Even two or three. But here I am under the covers asking God, “why me?” Why is this my burden? I’m just trying to see. It seems so simple. 1+1 should equal 3. I know He’s able so I look to The Holy Trinity. I may never understand. His plan is beyond comprehension. All I know is He designed my path before my conception. A union no man can separate led to a yearning no one prepared me for. There’s nothing anyone can say as I cry in the bathroom stall. The two week wait. I know it all too well. Every twinge of pain, every cramp, I try not to dwell. But it’s always Mother Nature knocking on the door. Bringing forth her gift nobody asked her for. I weep so loud that it barely makes a sound. My God. Can you even hear me? Are you even around? Did I do something to deserve this or was this your plan all along? I hear you whisper, “Child, just hold on.” So I tell Him everything. About how they say “just stop thinking and it will happen.” Because that’s like telling a turtle “just run a little faster.” It consumes my mind. Because why would He give me this desire? My clock is ticking and the want is burning inside me like a fire. A flame that can’t be waved away. I am completely and utterly drained. But just like Sarah, Rebekah, and Hannah withstood, I too heard you when you said, “all things work together for good.” So I’ll keep marching on and calling on His name. In these moments, He’s all that I crave. The Creator of the Universe. A mighty God I serve. Actually, He’s given me more than I deserve.
