Photo by Emmanuel Ikwuegbu on Unsplash
Okay, so we don’t have a lot of Hollywood examples of couples getting married young and it actually working out. We all know what happened to Brittany Spears and Kevin Federline, Ryan Phillipe and Reese Witherspoon, Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green. All of these relationships ended in disaster and they all have one thing in common. Either one or both parties involved in the relationship were in their 20s when it all went down.
I’m not saying it’s impossible to keep a young marriage together. I mean I sit here writing this, a 26-year-old, staring my impending 3-year anniversary in the face. So, if you’re some sort of genius, you’ve done the math. I got married when I was 23. Yes, looking back it feels like I was a child bride. Like, why would my parents let me do such a thing?
I’m kidding. I love my husband and quite honestly, I can’t see my life with anyone else. Of course, I’d be lying if I said it’s all be rainbows and butterflies these past 3 years. Hell to the naw. It’s been hard. In fact, the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, and that includes that one time I got my first period at church camp and couldn’t get ahold of my mom.
Marriage is the most trying relationship, even between adults in their 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, and beyond. We are all human beings. Our wants, needs, and desires shift as we grow through life. But the key is knowing if you’re committed to those shifts with the partner you’ve chosen.
Sounds simple, right? Well, obviously not. The thing is marriage has been trivialized in recent years. Divorce is such a readily available option that marriage maybe doesn’t feel like that much of a commitment. Now, I didn’t get married to get divorced. I don’t think anyone does but I will say I had zero ideas of what I was getting myself into when I said yes.
So, whether you’re completing marriage in your 20s or you’re in the thick of it and need a girlfriend to relate, let’s dive into everything you need to know for marriage in your 20s.
You Will Learn New Things About Yourself
Cause the thing is. I barely knew anything about myself when I got married. Your 20s are time of self-discovery and for that reason, one might say that you shouldn’t get married young. You are learning about yourself and you should do that alone and not bring someone else into the mix (legally at least). But there is something beautiful about falling in love with someone and being able to grow and learn together.
For example, before marriage, I had no idea I have zero patience, have an anger problem, make rash decisions, hate communicating, and that I’m actually a pretty timid and emotional girl.
It’s a lot all at once. A shock to the system. But my hubby has been there for it all and we work on these issues together.
Marriage is Like Looking in a Mirror
Marriage shows you exactly who you are. It’s scary. Especially in a time when we’re still trying to figure it all out, there’s nothing like a big blow-up fight to remind you how much your communication skills are lacking or just how stubborn you really are.it’s constant and it’s work every single day.
It Will Get Better
Yes, the work is hard but it will get better with time. As you grow in love together, you start to understand each other’s hope and dreams, love languages, and how to better serve your spouse.
People Will Discourage You
People are so down about getting married early in your 20s. Oh my freaking goodness. Even before I found a man, family and friends would tell me, “you’ve got your whole life for marriage and kids”, or “just live your life and be free.” But once I proceeded to live my life and announce I was ready to get married, the, “why don’t you wait a couple years” comments continued.
I can’t tell you how many people were down on my engagement. Whether they were just bitter from previous relationships or speaking out of pure love, it didn’t matter because I found my person and I was excited.
It’s OK to Cry
It’s important to point out that in your 20s you are evolving and changing as a person and with that comes a lot of emotion because you’re having to convey to your partner hey I’m not the same person I was three years ago I want different things and it’s an emotional process. I’ve been alone in my closet, car, bed, couch just crying because one, I didn’t know what I wanted and when I did, I didn’t know how to communicate that to my husband.
Alone or with your partner, crying is healthy. We’re going through a lot and I can’t count the number of times I have cried in my first three years of marriage. It’s been hard but at the end of those tears is always a rainbow because I know they’re going to be reconciliation.
So, you just need to know that it may be the hardest thing you’ve ever done but marriage in your twenties can be rewarding if you’re willing to put in the work.